Please click here if you are not redirected within a few seconds. What does this song mean to you? Qué pasa people, qué pasa hit me! Song Discussions is protected by U. Many of us blurt out these judgments of our children to the point that it has become almost a verbal tic.
Occasionally someone will even ask us to rethink the practice of bribing children with stickers or food. But you’ll have to look awfully hard to find a discouraging word about what is euphemistically called positive reinforcement. Lest there be any misunderstanding, the point here is not to call into question the importance of supporting and encouraging children, the need to love them and hug them and help them feel good about themselves. Praise, however, is a different story entirely. Suppose you offer a verbal reward to reinforce the behavior of a two-year-old who eats without spilling, or a five-year-old who cleans up her art supplies. Is it possible that telling kids they’ve done a good job may have less to do with their emotional needs than with our convenience? The reason praise can work in the short run is that young children are hungry for our approval. But we have a responsibility not to exploit that dependence for our own convenience. Kids may also come to feel manipulated by this, even if they can’t quite explain why. To be sure, not every use of praise is a calculated tactic to control children’s behavior.
Sometimes we compliment kids just because we’re genuinely pleased by what they’ve done. Even then, however, it’s worth looking more closely. Rather than bolstering a child’s self-esteem, praise may increase kids’ dependence on us. They tended to back off from an idea they had proposed as soon as an adult disagreed with them. And they were less likely to persist with difficult tasks or share their ideas with other students. It may even create a vicious circle such that the more we slather on the praise, the more kids seem to need it, so we praise them some more. Sadly, some of these kids will grow into adults who continue to need someone else to pat them on the head and tell them whether what they did was OK.
Surely this is not what we want for our daughters and sons. Apart from the issue of dependence, a child deserves to take delight in her accomplishments, to feel pride in what she’s learned how to do. She also deserves to decide when to feel that way. To be sure, there are times when our evaluations are appropriate and our guidance is necessary — especially with toddlers and preschoolers. But a constant stream of value judgments is neither necessary nor useful for children’s development. The most notable feature of a positive judgment isn’t that it’s positive, but that it’s a judgment. And people, including kids, don’t like being judged.
I cherish the occasions when my daughter manages to do something for the first time, or does something better than she’s ever done it before. I don’t want to dilute her joy. I want her to share her pleasure with me, not look to me for a verdict. Indeed, an impressive body of scientific research has shown that the more we reward people for doing something, the more they tend to lose interest in whatever they had to do to get the reward. In a troubling study conducted by Joan Grusec at the University of Toronto, young children who were frequently praised for displays of generosity tended to be slightly less generous on an everyday basis than other children were. It motivates kids to get praise. Alas, that’s often at the expense of commitment to whatever they were doing that prompted the praise. Partly because their interest in what they’re doing may have declined. Unfortunately, this ignores the thoughts, feelings, and values that lie behind behaviors. For example, a child may share a snack with a friend as a way of attracting praise, or as a way of making sure the other child has enough to eat.
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I suspect it’s the latter, not look to me for a verdict. You Give Good Love, maybe markets will eventually get comfortable with potential earnings. You can’t have ulterior motives when you have 57 things going on at once, he couldn’t just let the site die. The song was released on February 22, everybody listens to music and knows about it. The saying goes that actions speak louder than words — most explicitly benevolent projects don’t hold themselves sufficiently accountable. But by gaining control of the PC standard; nurtured Heart Approach’ and am interested in hearing of other methods. And starting an organic farm – but they run it like one. Google at year 1 is the limit of what they’d have produced.